From this morning’s beach-side women’s book group, a reading from Making Life Easy by Christiane Northrup, M.D.:
The cycle of shame, anger, and guilt is often fueled by our relationships–both our love relationships and our friendships. There is one type of relationship–above all others–that creates immeasurable amounts of shame and guilt: relationships with people who have personality disorders.
… Having a narcissistic parent, spouse, relative, boss, or sibling can leave even the most accomplished people feeling inadequate and crazy. Interestingly, it is the people who are the most skilled in their lives–and the most empathetic–who tend to attract these human vampires. The research of Sandra L. Brown, author of Women Who Love Psychopaths: Inside the Relationships of Inevitable Harm with Psychopaths, Sociopaths & Narcissists, has found that it is especially true for women with “super traits” of empathy and skill. These women, who are often lawyers, doctors, or CEOs of profitable companies, are attracted to narcissists because they feel like they can fix them. … But they can’t. Individuals with personality disorders do not change. Ever…. Real-life narcissists just move on to their next source of “narcissistic supply.”
… Narcissists are charming, seductive chameleons who home in on the wounds of their victims and then tell them exactly what they know the victim is longing to hear. “You are the most beautiful woman [handsome, strong man] I have ever met.” They use their charm and skill to appear as the perfect partner. But after a while, the false persona … falls away… Then there is no pleasing them. …
Those who are suffering from narcissistic abuse tend to blame themselves for all the problems in the relationship and continue to “work on themselves” in an effort to make the relationship work or make the narcissists change. …
To make life easy, you must learn how to spot a narcissist … You must stop trying to help because you are simply “donating blood” instead of living your own life. They have their own Higher Power. You aren’t it.
Now, having said that, please understand that a part of you–your Soul–brought these individuals in to your life to help you find and stand in your worthiness and your personal power. … (Christiane Northrup, M.D., Making Life Easy)
Relationship Rules of a Happy Woman, Rule Number One: Never let anyone blow out your light. It’s a free read in the preview. A 50-Question Keeper List included in the download will help you recognize and name both ‘keeper’ and ‘danger’ behaviors to be aware of also. Do you need a reminder that you’re a goddess?
We covered a lot this morning, with more to come. (Chapters 9 and 10 next week.) Love Monday mornings and these uncommon conversations.