So, why am I who I am, and why am I born to who I am born to, and why is it set up the way it is set up?” We say, “For the fun of it. For the joy of it. For the expansion of it. For the growth of it. For the difference in it. For the desire producing value in it.Abraham-Hicks.com | Excerpted from Tarrytown, NY on 10/17/98
We need to know, want to know, who we are. Sacred soul work of self-finding and story-telling, of making sense to mysteries. Years later, over time and distance and perspective…. pieces come together.
As observer and listener, mindful of details that are somebody else’s story, and those that are mine too, I write respectfully in generalities and with compassion. These are stories many can identify with.
Those adopted frequently want to know about their biological parents. It’s not they don’t love those who gave them a home and loved them, and provided for them growing up; they do. There’s more to it; a deeper need to find missing pieces.
These days of advanced technology, internet genealogy sites, and DNA testing make it easier for seekers–both parents who gave up children and their now-adult adoptees–who want to find each other. Some don’t want to be found.
Other kids grow up knowing only one of their biological parents, and are also drawn to learn about the other.
We want to know who we are, where we fit in, and where some of our different abilities and quirks come from. Heritage, genetics, interests and inclinations. Self-discovery is sacred work, soul work, a basic human calling.
Our biology and backstories are divinely designed catalysts to a bigger soul story of our becoming everything our soul came here to be, do, and create.
Upon reaching adulthood, a young man I know asked to meet his biological father’s family. His mother contacted my late sister, and told her of this young man’s request. It happened that they would be in town over an upcoming holiday weekend.
My sister, bless her heart, let her mom and all of her siblings know. A gathering was scheduled. Any of us who wanted to meet this young man were welcome to come. Many of us showed up; some didn’t; some were upset at my sister for meddling. I was eager to meet him.
I’d known of his existence before, and was pretty sure some day he’d show up. An active interest in genealogy is a family trait; so is solving mysteries. It’s one of those reasons I kept my name: I’m fascinated by characteristics that carry through.
When he arrived, family resemblance was unmistakable. It answered one question, and broke the ice. What did he want to know? What was he interested in? There were introductions and pictures shared; conversations flowed; and questions some had of him, too. What could have been awkward, for me, was an enjoyable and interesting gathering.
He and I kept in touch a bit–a text here and there, a business trip in his city and meal shared once, and a wedding–his–I was invited to, able to and honored to attend. And now several years later, work again took me to his city.
It was less than a 24-hour stop, uncertain of my availability there, and truthfully unsure if he’d want to or be able to meet, it was a last-minute Facebook note to his mom I sent, with no expectations, given everything in motion.
A few minutes later I had a text; and yes, he did want to meet if we could…and life arranged itself to happen–magically, delightfully so. He was now a young professional, skilled and focused and passionate about his work, his home, his community, and his wife. He asked if we had time for a tour; we did and got to see what he had spoken of. And by this time, his wife was able to join us. I love his wife; I love his place; I love who he’s become and what he’s passionate about; how much I was seeing in this young man that I know and see in others in our family. Anyone would be proud. And a beautiful porch swing hangs on a red-brick-wall porch, much like one a great-grandfather he never knew had, that I remember sitting on as a kid. Fascinating. I left feeling really good, happy, blessed, in awe…
Family is many things to people–those we’re born into, those we choose, and those we share genetics with. Not everyone agrees about who’s family and who isn’t. Some family ties are easy and comfortable; others are complicated. As adults, over time, we decide for ourselves and choose our relationships.
I think we’re all just doing the best we can here, with what we know at the time. Some things, relationships, are with us for different reasons. Some play out over time. All are catalysts to our growing, evolving, learning.
An inquiry like this can uncover uncomfortable history. It’s a sensitive matter; emotions and fear of judgment perhaps come in there–guilt, shame, resentment, anger, fear, whatever. We all have stories and mysteries around us… like that marriage certificate that falls out of a box at a grandma’s house and has someone else’s name on it than her husband’s… mysteries and stories that are left behind for reasons unknown.
It’s important here to acknowledge the love and courage and faith of a woman who chooses life for a child who came unexpectedly, perhaps inconveniently; because that is another side of a story like this–gratitude and appreciating; and replacing judgment with compassion.
Life takes all of us on unexpected paths; choice points. Destiny, some would say; Soul path experiences we required to become this man or woman we are now.
In looking back at ‘s stories over time, things connect, every piece of a story is used and was necessary, or we would not become all of who we are.
Here are some thoughts I’ve come to believe:
- Good comes out of everything.
- All the pieces come together, and only later will we see how important each one was and is to who we are…precisely because of everything that’s part of our story.
- We are not mistakes; we are divinely designed and connected.
Blessings and much love to all – Anne
FREE Love-Your-Life Relationship Rules eBook during June.
And if you’re interested in restorative writing around your life and relationships, I’m holding a Writing Sanctuary on Wednesdays this summer; private love-your-life learning centers by appointment.